A Completely Selfish Argument

Had I moved quickly enough, I might have, for a mystical nanosecond, been able to hold my frozen breath in my palm this morning. The stars lingered, postponing the inevitable dawn, as I stepped onto the library balcony to rest my weary mind. The glow of the monument below stirred a childish Rapunzel daydream, which I didn't know how to halt until it had already passed. It just seemed weird to daydream about Rapunzel in any circumstance, let alone during Finals Week.
The cold at first felt glorious, then humbling, and gradually sank into a shivering state of misery. My teeth chattered Morse Code messages as misting rain amplified the December air. All I wanted to do was write. Not sleep. Not finally find a bathroom in this stupid building and pee. I wanted to pull my knees to my chest, balancing my weathered spiral ledger, and write until the muscles in my fingers stopped responding. At this moment I was not thinking about how nice it would be to revive a little old lady on the Metro or save some helpless kid from leukemia. I wanted to feel that tangible beauty flow from my silent lips as I mouthed the words my hands painted onto paper.
I was almost certain that in the not so far off future I would become that mumbling bag lady that children throw rocks at if I didn't fear the fact that I have friends that would join in the throwing. My lips were already parted, forming the words my hands could not respond to. Silence turned to muttering, as if my mind felt like pushing that metaphoric envelope with or without my consent. I didn't dare take the time to write, as the past forty-eight hours had already drained the majority of my coherent thought.
"Not today", I whispered to myself, officially sealing in my "crazy doctor-to-be with imaginary friends" title. It was then that I felt a tug. A literal, absolute tug from somewhere inside my chest. "No", I sighed.
I left the wispy remains of a ghost waiting on that cold balcony. I had betrayed my writer's soul for the tedious study of Biology flash cards. It was as if I chosen sides in an unseen war, of which I had formerly been Switzerland. I just hoped I had not unknowingly sided with the enemy.